Anal Sex 101 – All you need to know to master in bed

Aleena Feb 19 2020 at 7:45 AM

For many men and women, a natural way to sexual arousal and thus intercourse is through the vagina. The clitoris and penis have some few thousand nerve endings. When sexually stimulated both become sensitive to touch and make one feel good. But the vagina isn’t the only area that can be sexually aroused.

Like the vagina, there is another erogenous zone that can be equally sensitive to touch. The anus. It is a tangle of sensory nerves which when stimulated can arouse a person. You can stimulate it with fingers, mouth, lips, tongue and insert a penis or a sex toy into it too, based on your comfort. When you do any of these things, you would be having anal sex.

It’s a common misnomer that anal sex is a taboo thing to do and is done only by ‘a’ type of a person. The anus is an erogenous zone that’s gender-neutral. Everyone has it! So any man or woman can feel sexually excited if one were to touch their anus and if they liked it could pursue anal sex. At a physical level, while it’s easier for a finger or penis to penetrate a vagina, it may not be so easy to do so into an anus. As such there are few things to remember when you explore anal sex.

  1. Start Slowly – Learn to first get comfortable with the idea of something touching your anus. As a couple, you can explore and caress, the anal area of your partner with your fingers softly or with your tongue or lips also called ‘rimming’. This by itself can be very pleasurable and can sexually arouse you. Slowly move on to small toys and then bigger ones that can help in training the muscles to relax, build flexibility and accept a penile penetration. Spend more time on foreplay so that arousal is increased. With more muscle familiarity, one can get over one’s fear of penile penetration and allow it to happen more easily. Such mental prepping is important to reduce nervousness in the person who will receive the penetration and help to build sexual arousal.
  2. Try Self Exploration – The pressure of a full penile penetration can be painful and a scary idea. So explore your anus on your own with your fingers or a toy so that you can get comfortable with it and understand how your body responds to anal stimulation. You can find out for yourself if you like the idea of something penetrating your anus or not.
  3. Expect Pain – When penetrating the anus, either with a finger or penis, one will encounter the sphincter muscles which need to be in a relaxed state so that the anus can be penetrated easily either with a penis or sex toy. It’s possible they will remain tightened during penetration and this may cause pain. There can be minor tissue damage inside and around the anal area and some bleeding too, which is natural. Once you have done it a few times, your anus will automatically adjust to the penetration as a vagina does and it will become an enjoyable experience. If anal sex continues to be painful or if you continue to bleed or if you don’t enjoy it, stop immediately and consult a doctor. If you use pain-numbing creams, it could prevent your body from warning you that there is some deeper damage happening to the internal tissues.
  4. Lubricate Freely – If you wish to have anal sex, lubrication is key. The vagina when aroused releases a lot of lubrication which makes it easy for the penis to penetrate. Not so with the anus. Since there is no biological lubrication, one needs to use external lubrication freely so that the muscles ease up and it can reduce the chance of tissue tearing. Use water-based lubricant which is considered safe to use and won’t damage the condom or sex toy.
  5. Fun With Sex Toys – Sex toys like Dildos, Bendy Anal Beads, Vibrators, and Butt Plugs are a great way to pleasure yourself and your partner. If you use a toy that is inserted into the anus, make sure it has a broad flared base. So, in case the main shaft of the toy is inserted, it does not get stuck in the rectum. Also, ensure that your sex toy doesn’t have any hard edges that could hurt the rectal area. Once you become more comfortable with anal sex, you can explore toys that can stimulate the vagina, clitoris and the penis simultaneously too. This can dramatically increase your sexual arousal and hence the sexual satisfaction.
  6. Keep Talking To Your Partner – The idea of anal sex can be a little daunting to many. While you explore this act, it’s important that you are comfortable in doing it. Vocalize your pain or discomfort that you feel to your partner. If it feels good, share that too as that will help build confidence. Continue to communicate with each other and guide the other to what feels good and what does not. Do not pressure your partner for anal sex as it can be a very sensitive act.
  7. Practise Safe sex – The anus has a lot of fecal bacteria including e-coli which can be transferred to the mouth, vagina, and penis. As such it important to maintain personal hygiene around the anal area. To avoid cross infections due to feces and Sexually Transmitted Infections, use condoms when practicing anal sex. Remove the condom once it has entered the anus, and replace with a new one before exploring other genital or body part. An advantage of using a condom is also that it makes it easier for the penis to slide into the anus. If your fingers have penetrated the anus or touched it, scrub your nails thoroughly before touching any other part of the body.
  8. Personal Hygiene – Where there is an anus, there will be some poop. Many people would find this part as a deterrent to exploring anal sex as another way to sexual pleasure. You can keep your anal area clean by gently washing it with soap and water. This should clean up most of the feces. For more thorough cleaning you can give yourself an enema. The skin and tissue around the anus and inside it is very sensitive and can get hurt by hard substances. Keep your nails trimmed and clean so that it does not carry any germs and pass on any infection into the anus or hurt it.
  9. Handling Mental Discomforts– Poop is a natural side effect of being human. Even after thoroughly cleaning up your anus, there can still be poop inside the anal canal, which can be released outside the anus and onto your body or sheets while having sex. This is very natural and need not embarrass you. To feel mentally comfortable, have sex in an area or on sheets that are easy to wash and clean. You can also keep wet wipes or tissue paper that you can use in case of poop overflow or to wipe any extra lubricant. A good way to ensure your anal canal is clear of poop is to eat fibrous food that can result in better bulky stools and thus naturally clear the anal canal. Another discomforting factor could be how the anus looks to your partner. You can use Anal Whitening Cream to lighten the skin around the anus and make it look more appealing.
  10. Managing Expectations – While one can expect explosive orgasms with vaginal sex, anal sex may or may not lead to an orgasm. But if you like the sexual stimulation, that alone can be the reason to explore it, as it can aid in sexual arousal and hence can make vaginal intercourse more pleasurable. Since the muscles in the anus are tight, men can find the experience more sexually satisfying too.

Whether or not anal sex is right for you is something that you must decide for yourself and not let pressure or social expectations weigh in on your decision. You must speak to your partner about the idea of having anal sex and ensure there is equal and enthusiastic participation in it. Anal sex can be a pleasurable experience if done the right way. Take it slow and easy and you could end up having a lot of fun.

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